return my video game
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
