i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
