I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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