I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
