New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
