hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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