yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
