So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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