I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
