Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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