whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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