oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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