Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
