please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
