well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
