Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
