I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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