when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if only i could text you this smell
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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