You can't motorboat a personality
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
