i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
