I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
