The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
