She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
