i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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