I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
