After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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