OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
