Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
