I cockslap morals
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
