Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
