fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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