When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
