Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
