i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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