Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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