last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
