sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
