well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
