she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
