i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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