Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
