also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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