explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
