worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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