I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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