You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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