I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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