Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
