I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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