True but thats because hes a fetus.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
