omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
