some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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