I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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