Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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