does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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