In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
