Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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