evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize