Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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