I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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