Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
