I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
