It's Friday. Sex?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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