Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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