Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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