Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
