Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
