this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
