Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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