before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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