If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
