I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
